"Honest Duisbergs" review of the BMW 1 series
BMW 1 series *
There are those who will buy this car for its badge and image, there are others who admire its reliability and low running costs, yet for me this car's greatest and indeed only asset is its resemblance to a Pukka Pie. Chris Bangles 'flame-surfaced' design ethos mirrors the 'flame surfaced' finish of a Chicken and Mushroom Pukka Pie, and has the same creamy-goo lurking within, in the form of the nasty 'I-Drive' system. And just as a good pie needs a few chips and a cuppa to complete the experience, the 1 series BMW simply needs a twisty road and a tankful of fuel. Or something. The range starts with the economical 116i version (think Chicken and Mushroom and a quick snog with that girl off the tills at Poundstretcher), and culminates with the mighty 130i (think Steak and Kidney and a night trapped in a hot lift with the Cheeky Girls in a bi-curious mood. On crack). However, unlike a Pukka Pie, people will think you're some ponce who works in recruitment, and goes on skiiing holidays with people called Barney if you buy one. So, the range starts at a rather steep £17185, or 8592 Pukka Pies. My money is on pie. Yum.
*Duisberg's experience of the BMW 1 series is in no way influenced by the sizeable charity donation and 12 free pies received from Pukka Pies, nor the frosty fob-off he got from the snotty twonks at Sytner BMW, but he did drive a BMW 1 series around Baden Baden once, with a bag on his head of course.